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Showing posts with label tales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tales. Show all posts

Sunday, September 30, 2007

World's Oldest Man Hopes to Live Forever

The world's oldest man celebrated his 112th birthday Tuesday, saying he hoped to live forever. Born Sept. 18, 1895, Tomoji Tanabe was named world's oldest male after the death of Emiliano Mercado Del Toro of Puerto Rico. He died in January at age 115. On Tuesday, the mayor of Miyakonojo City, where Tanabe lives, presented him with a bouquet and a letter of congratulations.

When the mayor asked how many more years Tanabe wanted to live, Tanabe replied, ''for infinity,'' according to city official Yasuo Yamashita.

With his ascetic lifestyle, Tanabe has a good shot at living for at least a little longer.

A former city land surveyor who lives with his son and daughter-in-law, Tanabe is in good health and is known to guzzle milk. He also keeps a diary, avoids alcohol, and does not smoke.

Japan has one of the world's longest average life spans, a factor often attributed to a healthy diet rich in fish and rice.

The number of Japanese living beyond 100 has almost quadrupled in the past 10 years, with the once-exclusive centenarian club soon expected to surpass 28,000, the government announced in September.

The country's centenarian population is expected to reach nearly 1 million — the world's largest — by 2050, according to U.N. projections.

The increase underscores both positive and negative sides of the country's aging population. While experts say there are more active centenarians than before, the rapidly graying population adds to concerns over Japan's overburdened public pension system.


The world's oldest person, 114-year-old Edna Parker of Shelbyville, Ind., was born on April 20, 1893, according to Guinness World Records.

Black Eyed Peas Hold Benefit Concert

Hip-hop group Black Eyed Peas put on a benefit concert in Mexico Friday night to raise money for local children who can't afford a decent education.

''It feels good to be able to help the youth because at one point in time we were teenagers that loved getting involved with the arts and there wasn't really that many programs in East L.A., where I'm from,'' Will.i.am, the band's front man, said at a news conference before the show at Mexico City's National Auditorium.

He added that his mother, a teacher at a California school with a large immigrant population, is proud of his charity work.

Proceeds from the concert will fund educational programs for some 1,500 children according to the group, which recorded such hit albums as ''Elephunk'' and ''Monkey Business.''

''Being in Mexico is special to all of us, being from Southern California,'' singer Fergie added. ''They call Will a ''blaxican'' because he grew up with all Mexican friends and family. Taboo, of course, being of Mexican heritage. My great-grandmother is from Guanajuato (Mexico), and (Apl.de.ap) just loves the Spanish women, the Mexican women.''

Band members said they hope to work with Latino artists such as Shakira, Mana, Joan Sebastian, Alejandro Fernandez, Molotov or Los Tigres del Norte in the future, but declined to discuss reported talks on a possible collaboration with the Mexican pop sensation RBD.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Learning to fail

Trial and error are usually the prime means of solving life’s problems. Yet many people are afraid to undertake the trial because they’re too afraid of experiencing the error. They make the mistake of believing that all error is wrong and harmful, when most of it is both helpful and necessary. Error provides the feedback that points the way to success. Only error pushes people to put together a new and better trial, leading through yet more errors and trials until they can ultimately find a viable and creative solution. To meet with an error is not to fail, but to take one more step on the path to final success. No errors means no successes either.




In fact, one of the greatest misfortunes you can meet early in a project is premature—yet inevitably still partial—success. When that happens, the temptation is to fix on what seemed to work so quickly and easily and look no further. Later, maybe, a competitor will come along and continue the exploration process that you aborted, pushing on to find a much better solution that will quickly push your partial one aside.


Cultures of perfection

Too many organizations today have cultures of perfection: a set of organizational beliefs that any failure is unacceptable. Only pure, untainted success will do. To retain your reputation as an achiever, you must reach every goal and never, ever make a mistake that you can’t hide or blame on someone else.

Imagine the stress and terror in an organization like that. The constant covering up of the smallest blemishes. The wild finger-pointing as everyone tries to shift the blame for the inevitable cock-ups and messes onto someone else. The rapid turnover as people rise high, then fall abruptly from grace. The lying, cheating, falsification of data, and hiding of problems—until they become crises that defy being hidden any longer.

Clinging to the past

If some people fail to reach a complete answer because of the lure of some early success, many more fail because of their ego-driven commitment to what worked in the past. You often see this with senior people, especially those who made their names by introducing some critical change years ago. They shy away from further innovation, afraid that this time they might fail, diminishing the luster they try to keep around their names from past triumph. Besides, they reason, the success of something new might even prove that those achievements they made in the past weren’t so great after all. Why take the risk when you can hang on to your reputation by doing nothing?

Such people are so deeply invested in their egos and the glories of their past that they prefer to set aside opportunities for future glory rather than risk even the possibility of failure.

Why high achievers fail

Every strength can become a weakness. Every talent contains an opposite that sometimes makes it into a handicap. Successful people like to win and achieve high standards. This can make them so terrified of failure it ruins their lives. When a positive trait, like achievement, becomes too strong in someone’s life, it’s on the way to becoming a major handicap.

Achievement is a powerful value for many successful people. They’ve built their lives on it. They achieve at everything they do: school, college, sports, the arts, hobbies, work. Each fresh achievement adds to the power of the value in their lives.

Gradually, failure becomes unthinkable. Maybe they’ve never failed yet in anything that they’ve done, so have no experience of rising above it. Failure becomes the supreme nightmare: a frightful horror they must avoid at any cost. The simplest way to do this is never to take a risk. Stick rigidly to what you know you can do. Protect your butt. Work the longest hours. Double and triple check everything. Be the most conscientious and conservative person in the universe.

And if constant hard work, diligence, brutal working schedules, and harrying subordinates won’t ward off the possibility of failing, use every other possible means to to keep it away. Falsify numbers, hide anything negative, conceal errors, avoid customer feedback, constantly shift the blame for errors onto anyone too weak to fight back. The problems with ethical standards in major US corporations has, I believe, more to do with fear of failure among long-term high achievers than any criminal intent. Many of those guys at Enron and Arthur Andersen were supreme high-fliers, basking in the flattery of the media. Failure was an impossible prospect, worth doing just about anything to avoid.

Why balance is essential

Beware of unbalanced values in your life. Beware when any one value—however benign in itself—becomes too powerful. Over-achievers destroy their own peace of mind and the lives of those who work for them. People too attached to “goodness” and morality become self-righteous bigots. Those whose values for building close relationships become unbalanced slide into smothering their friends and family with constant expressions of affection and demands for love in return.

Everyone likes to succeed. The problem comes when fear of failure is dominant. When you can no longer accept the inevitability of making mistakes, nor recognize the importance of trial and error in finding the best and most creative solution. The more creative you are, the more errors you are going to make. Get used to it. Deciding to avoid the errors will destroy your creativity too.

Balance counts more than you think. Some tartness must season the sweetest dish. A little selfishness is valuable even in the most caring person. And a little failure is essential to preserve everyone’s perspective on success.

We hear a lot about being positive. Maybe we also need to recognize that the negative parts of our lives and experience have just as important a role to play in finding success, in work and in life.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

25 man errors while having sex


# NOT SHAVING
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance.

# NOT KISSING FIRST
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

# BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

# SQUEEZING HER BREASTS
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

# BITING HER NIPPLES
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.

# TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

# IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

# GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.



# LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

# ATTA THE CLITORISCKING
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

# STOPPING FOR A BREAK
Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

# UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

# GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

# BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt - so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

# MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY
You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

# UNDRESSING PREMATURELY
Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

# TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

# GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she’ll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

# GOING TOO HARD
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

# GIVING LOVE BITES
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

# BARKING INSTRUCTIONS
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.

# TALKING DIRTY
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.


# NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

# SQUASHING HER
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

# THANKING HER
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is is not a soup kitchen.



Try to don't make this mistakes an
d you will be happy in love!!!


love is....

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Evolution of the Ancient Skin Boats

Evolution of the Ancient Skin Boats


Ever imagine what the evolutionary jump felt like between crossing a river bear-hugging a floating log and that first inaugural voyage in a dug out tree trunk? Imagine then the resourceful person who took it one step further - fashioning a "floating tree trunk" where there were no trees? Who developed the idea of making a frame that would function as that tree trunk? Was the idea to cover it in the skin of an animal or the bark of a tree a concurring mental event? Or did one precipitate the other? In any event the evolutionary stages that took us from clinging to flotsam in a river to constructing and commanding a floating vessel is truly a remarkable feat.

Mankind has developed four types of skin boats in the past umpteen thousand years s/he's been in a "tool /building" stage. In probable order of development are the: coracle, umiak, canoe, and kayak. Because of their frailty, there are few, if any early, ancient examples of skin boats. Frames and skins just don't last.

What do last, however, are cave drawings, etchings on pottery and in rare cases, accurate models of boats (toys perhaps?) of vessels presumably used during that artisan's life. The earliest example of a kayak is a small model tested to be about 5,000 years old. It was simply a spindle-shaped frame with what looks like two sealskins pulled tightly over it.













Here's a brief rundown of each of the four types of skin boats Man has created; vessels whose service to Mankind is still evident today in many parts of the world.

Coracle

The coracle is basically a bowl-shaped craft used primarily to cross small rivers or to negotiate ponds and smaller lakes. The frame can be constructed so as to provide a seat for the passenger. Propulsion is usually a long push pole, but also a paddle. Coracles come in a variety of sizes but most often four-six feet wide and usually about half their width in height.

The frame is built in the form of a rounded box/bowl shape with cross ribs lashed together. The skins are wrapped around the outside and pulled tightly up to or over the circular gunwale/rim around the top. Cross pieces secured to the frame provided seat support. The coracle was widely used throughout northern Europe and the Mid East. I've also seen footage of them being used in Africa. Many third-world countries still use a coracle type of vessel today.


Umiak

This is the tradition skiff-shaped boat most often seen on shore in whaling villages. They come in all sizes, from 3-4-person size up to giant boats used for hunting whale. Historically the women of the village paddled the umiak when it was put into service except when it was being used for hunting - at which time only men operated the vessel.

In some Alaskan coastal communities even today, umiak style boats can be seen as the main freighter boats in a village - hauling materials, making deliveries, and such. Built with a tapered bow and stern, the umiak is an open-framed boat, covered in skin. It can be as big or as small as needed or as materials allow. Twenty-four-man umiaks, over twenty feet long and weighing a ton, were a common sight along the coastline of sub Arctic North America for hundreds of years.

During a brief visit to the remote Pribilof Islands in the North Pacific of Alaska I saw a well-worn umiak - about 18 feet long - braced against a warehouse down by a ramp leading into the ocean. Upon inquiry I was told that during rough seas, that particular umiak was used by a crew of five or six men to unload supply vessels that couldn't get past the breakwater. A week earlier they had gone out in rough seas to take delivery of a washing machine from a large fishing boat.


Kayaks

Models of these boats were popular items in pre-historic areas of the far northern hemisphere. Kayaks carved of fossilized whale, walrus ivory, stone and even some of wood are displayed in museums around the world. An easy form to carve, models do reflect the lifestyle of the representative groups by the detail cut into individual boats. Unlike their real-life counterparts, those made of bone, ivory or stone lasted much longer than did the wooden frames and skins so researchers base much of their pre-historic knowledge on such models.

The uniqueness of the kayak is that there is no other craft out there that looks anything like it, nor was concurrently developed in any other part of the world. It could be argued that the skin or bark canoe and dugouts of the Pacific Northwest and others around the world follow a basic design concept. The kayak with its closed deck and cockpit configuration is quite unique.


Canoes

From birch bark to wood strip to a brilliant shine of aluminum and modern composites, the canoe is clearly respected as a North American frontier icon. I have always thought it incredibly ingenious of the Native Americans to develop the birch bark canoe. It's classic lines and the ingenuity of piecing the bark together and forming a waterproof seam has to be one of the greater natural technological feats of early mankind. Interestingly enough, the "canoes" of the inland waterways of Alaska are strikingly similar in appearance to the coastal kayaks - same hull design without a covered deck.

Like the umiak of the far north, the canoe's history is one of massive vessels maneuvered by large crews and carrying enormous weights. They were the semi trucks of early America. Eastern North America is criss-crossed with old Voyageur routes that weave down through Canada or out of the Great Lakes as intrepid, nomadic-like frontiersmen used rivers and lakes long before roads were even being formed as foot trails.

Modernization of freight and passenger hauling replaced the canoe in the twentieth century. Fortunately the love of the craft shifted its appeal from a workhorse to a play boat. Even more important is the fact that there are those who have preserved the art of skin boat building, both in kayaks and canoes, some even using the materials of yesteryear to maintain a pure sense of the boats everlasting appeal.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

A Brief History of the Insider’s Time

A Brief History of the Insider’s Time
July 14th, 2007 — 1892 Insider

(Warning: It’s not actually that brief!)


“Cross my PayPal[m] with silver,” says ‘Gypsy Lee’ Oldham, “and you too shall know the secrets of Liverpool’s future summer transfers.”

The teaser headlines on the front page promise tantalising stories, citing ‘Koptalk sources’, to lure in ‘mature’, ’sensible’ and ‘diehard’ Reds. It’s never been so easy to acquire those qualities: simply pay your £30 and you’ve proved it!

And why not? After all, this is the author who has been invited in to chat with Rick Parry about his book; the guy who regularly socialises with LFC players; the same man who whispered something (’not romantic’) in Peter Robinson’s ear to get a season ticket. Between all those connections, plus a gateman at Melwood (still fondly and inconveniently recalled by some KT members), he surely knows more than most about what goes on inside Anfield. Then there’s the ringing endorsement of George Gillett’s membership, proudly displayed on his site. Well, I’m sold!



Or, rather, I might be if any of it were actually true. Because George Gillett’s office cancelled his so-called membership when he found out what your site is really like, didn’t he, Dunk? I know, because I saw the e-mails confirming it. So did other contributors here. You never did explain how he could enthuse so much about the members’ interaction on a site he’d never seen — he can’t possibly have, since you need to have paid to gain access!

Contrary to Oldham’s recent claims that 99.9% of the content was free till last September, he has experimented with pay services almost since his site’s inception in the late 1990s. The first attempts were in 1999, with news updates by deluxe e-mail and by phone. There was also a KopTalk ISP. Notice how he wasn’t shy even then of using Hillsborough as a promotional tool.





As far as I can tell, these were not long-lasting services. However, KopTalk was probably the biggest LFC site at the time; the Club had yet to launch their own, even, so his traffic was substantial. Oldham himself claimed in excess of 2.2 million hits for July 1999, in an era when many people still had no online access, so there was vast potential for profit and he was not to be thwarted.

Consequently, a VIP service launched in early 2000. By now, he was advertising it on the basis that he had sources at the Club, and openly stated that several players would be posting there. He knew the effect this would have. It was also during this period that he began what later became his standard practice of writing vague transfer stories, whilst promising that more detail was available on the paid site.

And far from 99.9% of the site always having been free, Oldham even began to charge for standard news items — the so-called Bronze Membership — in July 2004, leaving only a feed for the news needs of those ‘who are unable to support us or decide not to’.




The ‘insider’ fallacy is undoubtedly KopTalk’s biggest con. Despite what his apologists still maintain, most people didn’t join up for the community there and nor was that how he advertised and promoted it, prominently and on a daily basis. It is obvious from reading posts there, even now, that people stay because they believe they are ‘in the loop’ — especially overseas supporters who are remote from the Club — and not for the quality of debate.

How could it be otherwise, when the Executive Lounge and its transfer subforum are full of hysterical threads, started by the same idiotic posters, to the weary exasperation of the remaining sensible members?

Why should we care? It’s a question I’ve seen asked by some who’ve never been members, by some ex-members and even by those who still visit his site. As fans, we have a fine reputation for wit, dignity in defeat and supporting our team in the right way. We’re renowned for sticking together. We don’t like seeing ticket touting, because we don’t like to rip off our own. Our fans don’t tolerate racism at Anfield; the Munich chants of the bad old days are banished. All that is part of what makes Liverpool FC one of the truly global clubs; we attract fans from all over the world. It’s something to be proud of. They can’t drink in The Sandon every other Saturday, but they want to feel part of the community and the internet allows them to interact with their fellow fans.

There are many forums out there where they can choose to do that. To stand out from the rest, KopTalk needed something else. Its ‘insider’ information was the bait that hooked the fish. “No info = no point,” I think he once said. I dislike anything that brings down the reputation that generations of our fans have strived so hard to build. With its lies about our Club and its players, that is what KopTalk did and continues to do.

For almost a decade, Oldham has cynically encouraged the impression that he has privileged knowledge about the activities of players and officials from our Club, allowing him an audience for his rants, providing a market for his merchandise, sympathetic donors for his unregistered appeals, and generating many thousands in subscriptions from fans desperate for exclusive news.

As long ago as 2002, he talked about one day closing the free site and retaining just the Insider, but first he needed a reputation, and he has worked hard to build an image as a man with contacts. It was all about establishing trust with members. If he was the confidante of executives, the drinking pal of players, and had direct access to them, as he implied and sometimes explicitly stated, then who would doubt him?

On his free sites, he hosted features like Team Morale, giving details of the current emotions of Liverpool players, to which he was privy because of his ‘excellent relationships at all levels of the club’. The eagle-eyed among you will spot how it was left to KT readers to interpret the images he tagged to a player; not that he knew nothing, of course! A 2001 editorial listed current players and a secretary among his sources. He claimed to be able to print off and deliver members’ e-mails to players.




His forums, often merely a honey trap for potential Insider subscribers, boasted that former and current players had access and, in one moment of madness, he even claimed that Robbie Fowler discovered there that his transfer to Leeds had been leaked. Yes, the same Fowler about whom Oldham wrote sanctimonious leaders, culminating in his infamous ‘close the door on your way out’ editorial. Do you think he frequented the site? The same Fowler whom Oldham said was going nowhere just before he left. Then again, it should come as no surprise that Dunk wants to have his cake and eat it. ;-)



Nonetheless, as a result of all this, thousands believed his advertising blurb that he had ‘forged links within the Anfield squad’ and that he ’socialise[d] with various VIP’s and Liverpool players every weekend’, and they paid up for the Insider or the Gold Club.




Also, notice how, in all this, he seems to believe that saying ‘allegedly’ or the use of aliases (ahum!) makes anything that’s said ok.

There used to be a whole range of people who posted supposed ‘insider’ information. Some were ordinary members, most of whom have now left for elsewhere. Of the more mysterious personalities, the Horse appears to have been put out to pasture, while the Wallet is much less fat these days (unlike Dunk himself) after the mass exodus of subscribers — perhaps that explains his relative silence?

Luckily, though, the Informer is still around to dispense occasional pearls of bullshit, like the recent laughable story of a fund transfer to LFC’s holding account. As a treat, I’ve managed to obtain some rare footage of the Informer in action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtILxBszyf8


What does all this say about Dunk? If it were true, then he’s implying that he blackmailed a former chief executive; echoes, in fact, of last year’s supposed meeting with Rick Parry, when Dunk said he had something Parry wanted and Dunk wanted information in exchange. If it were true, then he’s admitted that he’s happy to publish sensitive and potentially damaging information — not on the main site, but as long as you’re paying for it — with no way of preventing it from circulating. If it were true, then Liverpool FC players and staff were giving out confidential knowledge, not out of a sense of duty to inform the fans, but for the financial gain of Duncan Oldham. Does any of that make him look good? As we all know, though, it isn’t true. Instead, these claims are slurs and lies that damage the reputation of our Club and its personnel, and they are an insult to us all.

Of course, we all know how KopTalk’s strategy works in practice. We’re linked with so many players, in such vague terms, that one of them is bound to come true. When it happens, in the style of the tabloids he so admires, Dunk can say, “…as exclusively revealed to KopTalk members days/weeks/months ago”, conveniently forgetting the majority that didn’t come off. If facts enter the public domain that contradict his previous ‘insider’ bull, then he just blames an eleventh-hour intrigue and scrambles to pretend that he already knew, never explaining why he didn’t speak up before everyone else did as well!

That used to cause some frantic editing and deleting in the past but, these days, Dunk’s hit on the much simpler solutions of storing threads from just the last few days and disabling the function allowing you to view a member’s posts. Pretty inconvenient for me when I pop on for a spot of light blogging, but even worse for when his paying members want to check what Dunk really said 2 weeks ago.

Lately, you’ll have noticed that Dunk appears to be taking more of a backseat. Just recently, he claimed on Steve’s 18th that he had built up a great range of contacts. And it was Steve who was, not so long ago, in direct SMS contact with someone who could tell the eager KopTalkers just what was happening about Torres. From next season, he says, Steve will be in charge. Perhaps he’s about to pass on the torch, the Melwood wheelie bin and the Informer password to a new generation? Whatever happens, we’ll be watching.

(This is my first proper article, though I have contributed in the past. Comments and corrections are welcome! I’d like to acknowledge the role of Outside Insider in gathering some of the research used in this article.)

8 Not-So-Tough Facts About Clint Eastwood



8 Not-So-Tough Facts
About Clint Eastwood







Hollywood has given us dozens of tough-as-nails, unshaven badasses over the years. They play by their own rules and could even be regarded by fat, cigar-chomping police chiefs as “loose cannons.” But few of these cannons, let's be honest, were ever as crazy balls-tough as Clint Eastwood. On-screen, he defined rugged masculinity as Dirty Harry, the cop who ate a sandwich while shooting seven people, then intimidated the eighth until he peed himself; as the Man With No Name, a poncho-wearing, cigarillo-smoking tough guy whose turn-ons include killing, not saying anything, and riding into town killing everyone; and as the Outlaw Josey Wales, a poncho-wearing, cigarillo-smoking tough guy who, unlike the Man With No Name, talked plenty—usually about shooting dudes, and usually just before doing so. Off-screen, Eastwood has served in the army, fathered seven children, voted Republican, and even threatened to kill Michael Moore. Seriously: This guy's a badass, right?

But even the toughest cowboy has a wimpy side. And Cracked.com will unveil that wimpiness–willfully taking on the risk of Eastwood's reading this article and coming to blow our heads off. Go ahead and make our day... by reading on! (Okay, we apologize for that. That was uncalled for.)

#8. He Was Born in San Francisco

We're opening up with a cheap shot here, and we know it. Going after Clint Eastwood's manhood by pointing out that he's from San Francisco—a town known to many as the gayest place on Earth—is lazy and immature. We all know there's nothing wrong with being gay, and that being from San Francisco doesn't make you gay (it just makes you a trendy, Earth-hugging piece of shit). So we're not going to go for a cheap laugh by suggesting that Eastwood himself is gay, because a) he's not, and b) he's probably got a whole team of lawyers who can shoot crippling lawsuits from their eyes.

That being said, the words “tough-as-nails cowboy” and “from San Francisco” don't exactly go together. You can throw awards and praise at Brokeback Mountain until the gay cowboys come home, but that doesn't change the fact that San Francisco is known as the birthplace of the San Francisco treat, not ultra-tough Western heroes. When you think of San Francisco, do you think about big, burly macho men in leather chaps and spurs? OK, bad example.

#7. He Produced, Directed and Starred in The Bridges of Madison County


Actors have to keep challenging themselves in order to stay relevant. Eastwood never would have achieved true greatness if all he ever did was shoot bad guys in cold blood. But there's branching out, and then there's starring in a film so notoriously girly and sensitive that even Oprah probably wondered when he was going to cut the crap and kill some banditos.

Not only did he star in it, but he also directed and produced it. Short of renaming it The Clints of Eastwood County and replacing Meryl Streep with himself in a sundress, he couldn't have been more involved in the making of this film. “So Nolte thinks he can star in The Prince of Tides, huh?” we can picture him thinking. “Hell, I'll show him who's a badass by getting as many fingerprints on this touching love story as possible!”

The fact that it actually worked, making Eastwood an even bigger star in the process, is probably what propelled Nick Nolte down a path of wanton self-destruction. Indeed, maybe we ought to commend Eastwood for coming up with innovative new ways to destroy a man. Still, we don't think that gives him any right to strut around like he's suddenly too good to shoot Mexicans.

#6.Paint Your Wagon, Every Which Way But Loose, and Pink Cadillac: A Trilogy of Shame


Bridges wasn't nearly the first film to compromise Eastwood's tough-guy image. Paint Your Wagon, released in 1969, was a musical featuring Eastwood and Lee Marvin as two gold miners competing for the affections of the same woman. Both actors did their own singing, and Marvin did his own drinking and take-ruining.

Every Which Way But Loose was a buddy picture that paired Eastwood with an orangutan. His advisors begged him not to do the film, assuming it would bomb, but it went on to gross $85 million and inspired a lucrative sequel. Eastwood laughed all the way to the bank, while the monkey got heavily into cocaine and wound up dying penniless in the Nevada desert.

Then there's Pink Cadillac, a film that only made the list because it's got a girly name. We've actually never seen it, to tell you the truth. Is it any good?

#5. He Recorded a Number of Failed Bubblegum Pop Records

Not only can Eastwood sing, but he's also actually had quite a lengthy recording career. Back in the early '60s, Clint was desperate to branch out beyond the role of Rowdy Yates on TV's Rawhide, so he did what many emerging TV stars were doing at the time—he recorded a series of pop singles meant to test his teen appeal.

Not surprisingly, Eastwood wasn't a hit with the kids. A subsequent full-length record called Rawhide's Clint Eastwood Sings Cowboy Favorites delivered exactly what its snappy title promised, in spite of the fact that nobody seemed to have asked for it. Even the record company seemed reluctant to look too excited about the record, judging by the quotation marks around words like “natural,” “great” and “entertainment” in the promotional copy.

Thankfully, Clint's musical career hit its stride in later years, when he began composing music for his films. This latter body of work includes the scores of hits like Mystic River and Million Dollar Baby, as well as the timeless classic “Nolte's a Woman (Love Theme from The Bridges of Madison County)”.

#4. He Hates Violence and Supports Gun Control

“I am concerned about violence in film,” said the star of some of the most violent films ever made. “In ‘92, when I did Unforgiven, which is a film that [was] very anti-violence and anti-gun play… I remember that Gene Hackman was concerned about it, and we both discussed the issue of too much violence in films. It's escalated 90 times since Dirty Harry and those films were made.”

“I've always supported a certain amount of gun control,” said the man who made the .44 Magnum famous. “I think it's very important that guns don't get in the wrong hands… It's very important to keep them out of the hands of felons or anyone who might be crazy with it.”

In other news, “I am sick and tired of hearing about Jesus,” said the Pope. “Everywhere I go these days, it's Jesus this and Jesus that. I would be a happy man if I could go for five damned minutes without having to listen to somebody yakking on about Jesus.”

#3. He's a Vegan

A vegan, for crying out loud! Being an anti-gun nut is one thing, but come on! How can a registered Republican who loves Ronald Reagan—and who's played more cowboys than Reagan ever did—possibly be a vegan? Cows are made of meat, for God's sake!

Look, veganism is supposed to be for hippies like Moby, Woody Harrelson and the guy he killed in Dirty Harry. It's supposed to be for airheads like Avril Lavigne, who once told a Calgary newspaper that she eats vegan and does yoga daily because she's “totally spiritual.” Would the Outlaw Josey Wales ever tell a Calgary newspaper that he was totally spiritual?

And what kind of name is “Josey” for an outlaw, while we're at it? It's a great name for the lead singer of the Pussycats, sure, but not for an outlaw. Play dudes with manlier names and eat a steak, Clint!

#2. He Was Once the Mayor of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California


This one doesn't sound so bad at first. Carmel-by-the-Sea may be a town with a silly name and a population of only 4,000 people, but few of us will ever get to be the mayor of that town, let alone any other. Eastwood was elected to the position in 1986 with an impressive 72.5% of the vote. That's only 2,900 people, of course, but it's not like that many people ever voted for you, unless you once ran for student council or something.

The problem is that once you've been a cowboy, being the mayor of a small town is bound to look wimpy and dull by comparison. In the movies, helping out a town like San Miguel is as easy as killing everybody in sight. In real life, on the other hand, Eastwood got so tired of having to do so much paperwork that he decided not to seek a second term. Nobody wants to see a movie about a job like that, unless the deputy mayor is played by some kind of monkey.

Adding insult to injury, Eastwood's paycheck for running the whole damned town was a measly $200 a month. Any government job is bound to seem boring compared to A Fistful of Dollars, but they didn't have to rub it in by making that figure his salary.

#1. We Don't Want to Alarm You, But There's a Very Good Chance He'll Die Soon

We all know that Clint Eastwood is old, but the fact that he's fully 77 years old is pretty alarming. After all, the current life expectancy of an American male is only seventy-five years. Clint's living on borrowed time, statistically speaking, and it's hard to play the tough guy when people know you could drop dead at any moment.

Obviously, we don't wish Eastwood any harm, and we hope he keeps on living for years to come. If a guy like Bob Hope can cheat death for an entire century, then frankly, we don't see why Clint Eastwood should have to die at all. But he will die, just like the rest of us, only much sooner.

He's beaten the odds as it is, and he should be proud of that. If Clint were to die tomorrow – and again, he very well might – then he would die knowing that he had accomplished more in his long and happy life than most of us ever will. (And lucky for us, he won't be able to pay Hilary Swank to punch us for writing this article.) But that doesn't change the fact that a man known for asking punks if they feel lucky is now more likely to ask himself the same question every time he gets out of bed or goes to the bathroom.